Melvin Varghese:
Before we jump into today's podcast session, just wanted to take a moment to thank the team over at Alma for supporting today's podcast session. Alma is spelled A-L-M-A, and Alma is a wonderful option if you are a, particularly if you're a solo practitioner in private practice, that maybe doesn't want to take insurance fully, that primarily wants to be private pay, but just wants to hedge a little bit, especially given some of the uncertainties that we've had economically here over the past several years. So with Alma, you can take as few as one client that takes insurance while having the rest of yours be private pay. But the really cool thing with Alma is that they actually handle all of the insurance craziness that none of us as therapists want to deal with. So whether that is managing billing, verifying benefits, making sure that you're actually getting paid, that's the other cool thing too. So if you see a client, Alma actually guarantees payment within two weeks, even if they themselves have not been reimbursed by insurance. You can learn more about Alma and the wonderful services that they provide. It's not just like a insurance credentialing and billing service. They offer a bunch of things from an online directory for therapists, so you can get ideal fit referrals, to CEUs and a bunch of other workshops, which I'll mention when I talk about them here in the middle of our podcast. But you can learn more about Alma and the awesome work that they're providing over at sellingthecouch.com forward slash Alma. sellingthecouch.com forward slash Alma and there's a discount code just for STC listeners there. Hello, hello, welcome to today's session of Selling the Couch. I hope you're doing well, having an incredible day.

So if you have aspirations to speak at a conference or conferences or do any sort of keynotes in your future, then this episode is for you. And if you're already doing this, I hope that today's session is helpful for you. So about two weeks ago from this recording, I had the opportunity to speak at my first ever conference. I had some opportunities before, but I declined them mainly because, you know, just going through the whole NICU process with our daughter. And then also, to be completely honest, just some anxiety around COVID and traveling and doing all of that at Speaking of conferences, I just had to kind of work through some of that stuff. But it was the Mental Health Marketing Conference. It's an annual conference where clinicians and mental health tech marketing folks gather. And the sessions range from more clinical related topics to more business related topics. And it's just a fantastic gathering. It's run by my friend, Steve Turney, shout out to Steve. And this was my first chance and my first opportunity to speak at this conference. And there were around 300 participants. at the actual conference, and then I believe like about 100 more who had bought digital tickets as well. This conference has been going for several years, but it has been really growing here in the last couple of years. And I think they're projecting at an even like double this number in the next year. And so today what I wanted to just walk you through are seven things that I wish I had known before speaking at my first conference. Basically what I did was after I finished up my talk, I wrote down some notes. And then I thought to myself, why in the world am I like holding this to myself?

Might as well just share it in order to help others. And so that's the intent of this episode. And so the talking point set, I'll just kind of share the front end just so you can have some a way to just conceptualize things. So first, know what the setup looks like in front of you. Number two is find a place to rest and recenter before you get on stage. Three is make sure that the lav mic doesn't hit your clothes when it moves. And then four is use social media before and after to chronicle your journey. Five is have a small squad of friends in the crowd to cheer you on. Six is remember and start and lead with story because that's what people remember. And number seven is the power that comes with doing talks. And so number one is know what the setup looks like in front of you when you start. So basically, again, I'm going to do this as a brand new person. So kind of learning. So the mental health marketing folks, they were so incredibly helpful in that one, they were available if we had any questions, but they actually did a like a speaker document that they sent out a few weeks prior to the conference. And so I had somewhat of an idea of like what the setup look like. So what one thing I learned in just talking with friends who also do public speaking is it really depends upon the conference. So if you are speaking at a conference, some conferences, they'll have a time usually like a day or two before your actual talk where you can do almost like a dry rehearsal, or they'll have a time set up where people can do kind of a rehearsal and get an understanding of the stage.

The way the Mental Health Marketing Conference was set up is you show up about 45 minutes before your scheduled talk to wherever you're designated. So Mental Health Marketing, they had three, they had one large stage, which is where I had the incredible opportunity to speak from and then they had a smaller stage and then they had a third kind of almost like conference room feel and then they had a fourth location as well that was more of a sit down kind of like you know it's it's great for like one-on-one small group conversations and so but basically what happens in most conferences is there's usually some sort of what they call like a green room and this is kind of where the audio and technical folks are hanging out where there's usually seating for if you're a speaker or any of that, which they definitely had at the Mental Health Marketing Conference. They had a bunch of really comfortable chairs. They had drinks and snacks and all of that kind of stuff available, which was really nice. The one thing that a friend recommended, shout out to my friend Michael Fulweiler for recommending this, was just to take a bottle of water with you onto the stage because you may not think about it, but when you're talking for, my talk was 40 minutes long, and so when you're talking for that amount of time, inevitably your mouth is going to dry out and you don't want to be like struggling up there. And so just doing that can be really helpful.

But when you're in this green room and you're in that like time period, usually about 10 to 15 minutes prior to you actually going on stage, they're going to plug you with a lavalier mic. And so this is a mic that basically connects or clips to a shirt or a jacket or something that you're wearing. And then they will do like a quick sound check behind the scenes, make sure everything is getting picked up. They'll do a confirmation of your slides, what your slides look okay, here's what, you know, here's what all that's going to look like. And then they will also usually give you like a tiny clicker device that will help move your slides Mine also had a built-in like laser pointer. I ended up not using it, but it was cool that that was an option available. And when I got actually on the stage, and they had explained this prior, so I kind of knew what to expect and the document had mentioned it prior, but there's actually this giant TV that was just below the stage. So I was like kind of above everyone when you're speaking. And then just below the stage, there's this TV and on the TV, I don't know, I would say it's like maybe a 60 inch TV, like a big flat screen. And it's basically almost flush to the floor, but pointing upward if that makes sense. And on that TV screen, what I could basically see is I could see my current slide, I could see the slide that was upcoming, as well as if I had notes, those were available there as well. And then there was a separate section for how much time I had remaining. This was incredibly helpful because I was trying to figure out like, oh my gosh, like, am I gonna know like, you know, how much to talk and all that kind of stuff. The second point, and so you can then use that to kind of guide the conversation.

So again, just the basic thing is know what the setup looks like on the front end, because I think knowing that really helped relieve a lot of the anxiety that I was feeling about doing this first talk. The second point is find a place to rest and recenter about one to one and a half hours before you have to show up backstage. this really could depend upon personality, right? I'm naturally more of an introvert. I'm also an HSP, a highly sensitive person. So I knew that I needed some time to one get some energy, and then to just ground myself because I would be speaking in between, you know, I ended up speaking in front of I think about 125 to 150 folks. And I knew that all those folks were staring at me. which is, you know, for an introvert, this is like my worst nightmare, right? So I just knew I would need some time. I, to be completely honest, I didn't do a great job of this. And I had planned it out. And I had thought that I had found a corner in the venue that the conference was held at, which is the factory in Franklin, Tennessee. But And I was kind of in this corner, but it still got too loud. There were folks coming in and out. So basically, what I was trying to do is grab like a 25 minute power nap, just because I knew. Also, my talk was at 145. And usually I know like my body to know during that time period. I generally tend to have a dip in energy. And I knew that, you know, trying to get a nap in would be really helpful. Also, my topic was on video podcasting and whether video podcasting is the next big thing. And there was a section in there that was like highly technical. So your recommendations and stuff like that. And I knew just being able to get some rest would have would have been really helpful for me in terms of just being able to remember some of those Now in hindsight what I should have done is I should have asked the conference folks where if there was like a place where I could just kind of rest maybe like the green room that was there available for the stage would have been a great option. or I could have gone back to my car and just rested. The hotel was not an option because I ended up staying with a friend and the friend lives about 30 minutes away, so that would not have just been feasible right in the middle of the conference. But I think in hindsight, I probably would have just gone to my car and rested. Now, that being said, it's not like I was going to get a super restful nap because I noticed like my my like nervous energy was pretty high. And I but I did want to just get some shut. I think I was able to do it because I felt very grounded and centered. But it wasn't as like restful because I remember distinctly feeling like, oh, gosh, I wish these folks were coming through here.

The third point that I just wanted to mention is make sure that the lav mic doesn't hit your clothes when it moves. Before we continue with today's podcast session, just wanted to take a moment to thank the team over at Alma for supporting today's podcast session. So the best way to think about Alma is it's almost like a giant group practice, but because it is a big group practice, a significantly large group practice, they're able to negotiate higher reimbursement rates for you if you are a therapist in private practice that takes insurance. But the cool part I actually wanted to mention today is they actually have a very thriving and active community for professionals. So what does this look like? So one is they actually have a cross-referral network within Alma. So Yeah, you know, therapists can refer clients to you that are good fit. They also, there's opportunities in places where therapists can share resources with each other and just find general support. Now, Alma kind of takes things to the next level, so by being a member of Alma, You also get continuing education courses, workshops with industry experts, as well as peer support groups where clinicians can discuss their work in a very collaborative environment. You can learn more about Alma and sign up over at sellingthecouch.com forward slash Alma. And if you go through that link, there's a special discount or a special bonus there for Selling the Couch listeners. Let's get right back to today's session. So if you're watching this on YouTube I think this will make a little bit more sense but basically I had like a you know like shirt like you know like a dress shirt on and what they did is they ran this mic kind of underneath and underneath through through underneath my shirt and then they had it kind of placed right here. I had a jacket on above and it was fine but I think one thing I didn't realize is I would be doing a lot of moving on the stage And when that happened, the jacket was hitting the lavalier mic, but I myself could not tell that that's what was getting picked up. And so I kept moving. And it wasn't like folks, you know, asked friends for like some honest feedback. And they said it wasn't distracting or anything like that. But there were like some, you know, few moments where it kind of hit a little bit hard, and it was, was a little bit distracting. I think in hindsight what I'll probably do is I will put a I'll either just be aware of the attire that I'm wearing and or you know the person that is outfitting me for the might I will I will kind of demonstrate like hey this is the way I'm planning on walking can we just do a test and make sure it's not gonna hit any of my clothes and I think that should really relieve it.

Number four is use social media to share a before and an after that chronicles and documents your journey. Now, I imagine you're probably listening to this and you're probably the exact same way I was, which is you feel both excited to do a talk and you feel nervous. And the last thing you want to do is add more and more stuff to the plate. But doing this was actually a really good call. So what I basically did is I made two posts on LinkedIn kind of on the same day. So once in the morning, which was about five hours or so before my talk, and then I did a second one three to four hours after my talk. By before, I basically posted a selfie of myself at the conference venue. I tried to pick like a cool vibey place in the background. My photographer site is coming up. But, and I basically said, you know, I'm excited for, I'm excited to be at Mental Health Marketing Conference. And I'm so excited for my talk on whether video podcasting is the next best thing. I'm going to be speaking from I think I said something like I'm going to be speaking from the center stage at, you know, 145. I would love to see you there and something like that. And I think in hindsight, what I what I could have also done is done a call to action like a question like, you know, what questions do you have for me? as you are thinking about starting a video podcast or something like that. I think that would have been really fascinating and would have, I think, helped with engagement of folks that perhaps were not at the conference, but also folks that were at the conference. We could have kept the conversation going on social media. Now, the little nuance I wanted to mention on this is I asked two of my friends in the crowd if they could also take a some pictures of me just on their phone while I was speaking. So shout out to Justin and Anna for helping with that. I'm so grateful for both of you and for getting some great pictures. And the reason I did that is obviously there's I wasn't sure if I would be able to get like a great picture from the video team. video team at the conference within a couple hours. So I felt like just making sure that I could get a picture. Also for like future things like social media posts, or let's say I want to speak at a future conference, I've got an asset that I can then deploy and show and all of that kind of stuff. Now, after the talk was done, about three to four years, I went a bit crazy, three to four hours later, I came off the stage and I posted a picture that, you know, one of my friends had taken. And I basically said three sentences, my first ever conference talk is done. You know, what an unbelievable experience. And I even had a cheering squad or something like that. And that post ended up getting a ton of traction. I think as of this recording, I think it's definitely over 1,500, possibly over 2,000 views. And there were, I think, over 160 likes or comments or, yeah, actually including both, probably well over 200. And so it was just a cool way to keep the conversation going, but also a way to just document the journey. I, you know, I'm a big believer in this concept of building in public and that concept, I think one thing I've realized during the conference is I could document my own journey in the conference as someone attending and doing a conference for the first time and speaking at a conference for the first time.

Number five, I alluded to this, but have a small squad of friends in the crowd sit near the front. This 100% helped calm my nerves. I was like very excited to do the talk, but because there were some technical things and because it was my first talk, And I, I don't know, I felt like, you know, I've done this podcast for nine years and the majority of it has been an audio only format. And in the last year we've gone to video, but there's still something different about that versus you're actually have people in front of you and you're, you know, going off of the crowd. And I know like traditionally when I was, you know, growing up, you know, I did like sermons at church and stuff like that. Then in undergrad, I did model UN and I know when I've done public speaking traditionally, one of two things happens. One is I get like beads of sweat forming on my forehead. And then the other thing that happens is I turn into like a preteen boy and my voice like squeaks for like, you know, half a second before it. It comes back and I was anticipating both of those and it never happened, which was just really interesting. But I think it was fully related to just having some friends in the crowd. I asked them to sit kind of near the front if they could, just so that I could look at them during the conference. and know that and I could kind of read, read them and read off their energy. And it was just wonderful. So I want to like name all of you guys, but you know, thank you. If you did take the time to do that is just so appreciated. The other benefit of that is, you know, with my talk, it wasn't a traditional, like, I didn't want to make it like I talk at you. I wanted us to talk together. And so there were some points in the conversation where I actually just asked from the stage, like, what questions do you all have? Or how are you thinking about it? And it was just nice to have friends in the crowd who were willing to engage and just talk about what was going on and how things were going. Number six is start with a story that people remember. So I started by this talk by sharing the story of how I had severe acne growing up and how I eventually had to go on Accutane, which is this really powerful drug for the acne. But I wove it into why I didn't do video, i.e. YouTube, like this video that I'm recording, why I didn't do that for a number of years, that I felt really self-conscious about having the acne. I still have some scars on my face, especially on my cheeks, and I felt like people were going to look at that, and therefore I didn't want to bring attention to myself. And I also talked about how it impacted my own self-worth. Leading with story is something that I've just kind of learned both through these podcast episodes because usually the emails I get are not, you know, Mel, I love your tactical advice on LinkedIn or on podcasting. It's usually like, Mel, I love the story that you shared about this. I connected with that. And I remember, you know, I went through a similar experience and here's the experience that I went through. And so I knew that stories would be powerful. I also come, you know, having been born and spend my early childhood in India, I come from a very, a culture that that value story. And I think I've thought about all of those kind of things. And I remembered, you know, just even growing up, some of my most fond memories were the stories from my childhood. And so I just thought, let me just start with that story. The little nuance to it is I think my first slide was just a gray slide because I didn't want people to look at the slide. And then also, I wanted that focus to be on me as I shared this story about acne. But somebody in, you know, when I asked for feedback, they said, you know, Mel, it took me a while to figure out the topic was about video podcasting. I didn't initially pick it up from the story and so in hindsight I probably would have just put the first slide as what the topic is just so that folks had an idea of what I was going to talk about. Now the interesting thing after the conference is folks came up and said, you know, some things about like, oh, it was helpful with the technical stuff. But what they most came up over and over was about this story about having acne. They talked about their own acne and how they had it and how it impacted how they saw themselves and all of these different things. And what I also noticed in myself is I had the fortunate opportunity to go to several of the talks. The talks that I remember the most now, two weeks out of this, are the ones where stories were shared. Not just like one story, but even just woven in. And the nuance of that is I even felt more connected to the person that was speaking versus if it was a strictly tactical one. then I found it helpful, but I don't know that I felt like a full connection to the person. So it's just something to think about as you start to do these talks. The final thing I wanted to mention is, man, there is a crazy amount of power in doing a talk like this. It's something, to be completely honest, that I have never felt before. When I was on the stage, so I had a very cool moment, like I was definitely in this flow state because I noticed I was incredibly calm. I felt like I knew the subject matter really well. And what the amazing part that let me know I was in flow is there were moments in this talk where I've referenced talks that had happened one to two hours before and just wove them like very spontaneously into the conversation. But when I was on the stage, I was like keenly aware of, oh, my gosh, the endorphin rush of being on stage is something I'd never ever felt before. Not even like doing this podcast. People are paying attention to you and then they basically come up to you and tell you like how great you are. Which obviously I'm grateful for and it's like really humbling but it's like on another level I was like oh wow this is really powerful. I've shared this in other episodes but one of the you know we're all wounded healers I feel like and one of the things for me is As a result of my own trauma, I really crave external validation, because for the longest time, I could never fully believe what I felt about myself, or I couldn't even access that for the longest time. And so I always look to other people to tell me, like, was I doing an okay job? And, man, public speaking feels like a drug that fosters that, like, for external validation like no other. I just, I remember, you know, and just to even be, like, open and honest, I remember the contrast of coming, being at the conference and then coming back home and having to shift into, like, husband mode and parent mode and feeling like, you know, and then it was like, you know, got a cry kiddo or all of this right very much of different contrasts and from the conference and i think i felt this that juxtaposition i was like man i gotta really like i loved public speaking i could you know i was scared of whether it would be a good fit i wasn't actually sure but i loved it and i can see myself doing like you know a handful of conferences a year but one thing i realize is i really want to pace myself i don't think my my body is like ready to do like you know five six conferences a year to be honest i don't even know if i want to do that because i don't think that's the lifestyle that i want at least in this season of life but i was like keenly aware of it and so what i think i'm going to do is i'm going to kind of go from like speak at one to two conferences just to give my body some time to catch up. And yeah, so again, just the seven points. Know what the setup in front of you looks like and even behind the scenes, especially with your mic. Two is find a place to rest and recenter about an hour to hour and a half before you have to show up backstage. Three is make sure you have the lav mic. Your lav mic doesn't hit the clothes, especially if you're going to be moving on or moving around the stage and not necessarily like just from a lectern. Number four is use social media to share a before and after shot of your journey. Number five is have a small squad of friends that are going to be cheering you on. Number six is start with a story that people remember, that connects, that speaks from the heart to the heart. And then the final thing is there's a crazy power in doing the talk and there might be wisdom in pacing yourself if you want to go down this public speaking route. I hope you enjoyed this and thank you again for taking the time to listen and have a great rest of your day. Bye.

Narrator: Thanks for listening to the selling the couch podcast. For more great content and to stay up to date, visit www dot selling the couch.com.

Melvin Varghese: Hey there, I hope that you enjoyed today's session. Thank you again for taking the time to listen all the way through. If you are a therapist and you're specifically in a season where you're a seasoned therapist and you are wanting to move from clinical to online course income, We actually have a specific mastermind for therapists who are doing this. So this is basically a group of really kind and supportive therapists who are also wildly successful as business owners. We meet together to build and grow and scale our online courses. you can learn more about that mastermind over at sellingthecouch.com forward slash mastermind all one word sellingthecouch.com forward slash mastermind thank you so much for taking the time to listen to today's session

00:00:00 – Mel's Intro

00:01:56 – Know the Setup

00:15:44 – Have a Supportive Squad

00:18:24 – Start with a Memorable Story

00:25:06 – Mel's Reflections